Coping With the Death of a Loved One
How can we cope when someone we love dies?
Much has been said in humankind’s attempts to answer this question. With a few rare exceptions noted in scripture, death comes to everyone, leaving family and friends to try to handle the grief of loss.
In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are blessed with knowledge and guidance to help us navigate these trying circumstances. Though it is never easy, we can grow stronger through the experience as we mourn, rely on Jesus Christ, and find hope in the plan of salvation.
Allow Yourself to Mourn
The New Testament tells of two times our Savior experienced the death of a loved one. First was the beheading of His cousin John the Baptist. When Jesus heard the news, Matthew 14:13 records that he “departed thence by ship into a desert place apart.”
The second time was the death of His friend Lazarus. John 11 records that He knew of Lazarus’s death before arriving in Bethany, and yet when Lazarus’s sister Mary came to meet Him, “he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,” and He wept (see verses 33–35).
Jesus surely knew of the great plan of salvation; He knew that John the Baptist was received into paradise and would live again, and He knew that Lazarus would rise from the dead. And yet, He took time to be alone, and He wept with Mary.
Sorrow as an Expression of Love
In the same way, knowledge of the plan of salvation doesn’t prevent us from feeling sadness and pain. In May 1992, then Elder Russell M. Nelson wrote, “Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love. . .. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life.”[1]
Your feelings of grief come from your love for the person you lost. Allow yourself to process your anger, hurt, sadness, numbness, and any other emotions that come up. Turn to family and friends for mutual support. As you do your best to cope and adjust, things will get better over time.
Rely On Jesus Christ
Elder Karl D. Hirst of the Seventy said,
I wonder, if Jesus were to choose a place where you and He could meet . . . might He choose your unique place of personal suffering, the place of your deepest need, where no one else can go? Somewhere you feel so lonely that you must truly be all alone but you aren’t quite, a place to which perhaps only He has traveled but actually has already prepared to meet you there when you arrive? If you are waiting for Him to come, might He already be there and within reach?”[2]
In our sorrowful moments, our Savior Jesus Christ is ready to meet us there. As part of His atoning sacrifice, He experienced all of our pain, suffering, and infirmities so that He would understand them and know how to help us through them (see Alma 7:12). There is comfort in knowing you are not alone, and in bringing all your worst feelings and pains to Him.
Christ’s Atonement Covers Your Grief
Because of His miraculous Atonement, He has the power to help you through your suffering and make you stronger. The prophet Brigham Young said,
Jesus descended below all things that He might ascend above all things; all men have to pass through the same Law in order to receive the same Glory.”[3]
Our experiences are much smaller than His, but when we rely on Him, our most painful moments prepare us for our most joyful and glorious ones.
Following the premature death of their daughter while Wilford was away, Phebe Woodruff wrote,
I thought I could not live without her, especially in the absence of my companion. . .. It is a trial to me, but the Lord hath stood by me in a wonderful manner. I can see and feel that He has taken her home and will take better care of her than I possibly could for a little while, until I shall go and meet her. Yes, Wilford, we have one little angel in heaven.”[4]
Phebe Woodruff, Mar 8, 1849, Boston, Massachusetts
The Lord will stand by you if you reach out to Him. Pray to your Father in Heaven for strength in the name of Jesus Christ and look for His hand to be revealed in your life.
His miracles may be large or small, but He has promised, “My kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed” (Isaiah 54:10). As you hold on to your covenants, His grace will carry you through each day.
Find Hope in the Plan of Salvation
The biggest comfort during mourning is knowledge of God’s plan of salvation. Many people believe that death is the end, but we are blessed to know that it is not. A loved one may have been taken away from us for now. However, we know that they will live once more and we will see them again.
During an 1896 funeral service for Abraham Hoagland Cannon, Wilford Woodruff gave this hopeful message:
He has gone into the spirit world. His mother is there, and I suppose with him now. I have no doubt that they are rejoicing together. . .. I want to say to the children of Brother Abraham Cannon: it will be but a little while til your father will be with you, standing in his immortal body and glory, that death cannot destroy nor affect.”[5]
Wilford Woodruff, Dec 10, 1894, Salt Lake City, Utah
The Reality of the Spirit World
Your deceased loved one is in the spirit world, where the righteous are free from suffering and all others are taught the gospel of Jesus Christ. Doctrine and Covenants 138 teaches that the Lord established missionary work in the spirit world after his death, organizing the righteous spirits to “carry the light of the gospel to them that were in darkness, even to all the spirits of men” (verse 30).
Your loved one isn’t with you physically for now, but you can rest assured that they are not truly gone; their eternal journey has not ended, and they may even now be preaching the gospel or receiving it for themselves.
One day, they and all other people will be resurrected, “for as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive” (1 Corinthians 15:22). Your loved one will be restored to their body and live forever, not in a mortal body with pains and weaknesses, but in a resurrected body where “even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame” (Alma 40:23).
Eternally Bound in the Heavens
A degree of glory is prepared for all people who are resurrected, even if they do not embrace the gospel (see Doctrine and Covenants 76). Higher degrees of glory are prepared for those who make and keep covenants with God.
Speaking to His priesthood leaders, the Lord said, “Whatsoever you seal on earth shall be sealed in heaven; and whatsoever you bind on earth, in my name and by my word, saith the Lord, it shall be eternally bound in the heavens” (Doctrine and Covenants 132:46).
So Much Cause to Rejoice!
If your family has been sealed together in the temple and keeps those covenants, you can rejoice in knowing that you will live as a family forever in the celestial kingdom. If you were not sealed before they passed away, you can rejoice in knowing you have not lost your chance. Ordinances can be performed for the dead in God’s temples. God will ensure that all of His children have the opportunity to participate.
Provo City Center Temple by Mandy Jane Williams
Because of Him
All of this is possible because of Jesus Christ.
If Christ had not risen from the dead, or have broken the bands of death that the grave should have no victory, and that death should have no sting, there could have been no resurrection. But there is a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ. He is the light and the life of the world; yea, a light that is endless, that can never be darkened; yea, and also a life which is endless, that there can be no more death” (Mosiah 16:7–9; emphasis added).
In time, your grief and sorrow for your lost loved one can be healed. The darkness you feel can be swallowed up in His light and love.
Cammie Garner studied biodiversity and conservation at Brigham Young University. Later, she completed a master’s degree in biology education from Grand Canyon University. After working as a tutor and STEM camp counselor, she became a full-time service missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As a missionary she serves in the temple, FamilySearch center, humanitarian center, and local art lab, and also produces content for missionary social media projects. Cammie enjoys writing, painting, music, and sharing the good news of Jesus Christ.
The Wilford Woodruff Papers Foundation’s mission is to digitally preserve and publish Wilford Woodruff’s eyewitness account of the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ and make his records universally accessible in order to inspire all people, especially the rising generation, to study and to increase their faith in Jesus Christ. For more information, please explore wilfordwoodruffpapers.org.
Endnotes
- Russell M. Nelson, “Doors of Death,” April 1992 general conference, ChurchofJesusChrist.org. ↑
- Karl D. Hirst, “God’s Favourite,” October 2024 general conference, ChurchofJesusChrist.org. ↑
- Wilford Woodruff’s Journal, February 15, 1858, p. 292, The Wilford Woodruff Papers, wilfordwoodruffpapers.org/journal/1858-02-15. ↑
- Wilford Woodruff’s Journal, October 26, 1840, p. 203, The Wilford Woodruff Papers, wilfordwoodruffpapers.org/journal/1840-10-26. ↑
- Discourse by Wilford Woodruff, July 26, 1896, p. 1, The Wilford Woodruff Papers, wilfordwoodruffpapers.org/discourse/1896-07-26. ↑
