An Emotional Moment
I’m extra emotional. I just got engaged on Tuesday. [Applause]
And my mom will be so mad that I’m not—I don’t—I didn’t bring tissues, because that is a rule.
I feel so honored to be here. So, so honored to get to share some thoughts with men and women that I think highly of, that I know are in a space that are critical thinkers.
Learning From Clayton Christensen
A little bit of my life journey has been—I got to learn from and be with a man named Clayton Christensen.
One of my failings in getting to work with Clay was that I was always the photographer for everybody that came to visit him. And I never stood next to him to have our own photo taken.
It is like one of my greatest regrets is that I have no photos just of me and Clay.
Clay’s Sign
And I didn’t capture some moments that I wish I had now.
But one of them is this little sign. I don’t know if you can see it clearly in the bigger picture, but this is from his office.
His therapy time was to do woodworking.
Anomalies Wanted
But one of my favorite things about Clay was that he was not a perfectionist. And so he would go dumpster diving to get cheap wood in a spot that had rats and garbage.
He knew exactly when trash day was. So he’d dive into the dumpster to get different random pieces of wood.
And so we have this hodge-podged sign that he made because he wanted to proclaim to everybody that walked into his office or into his world to have conversations with him that anomalies were wanted.
Asking Better Questions
He wanted to poke holes at the thinking that he had, that others had—trying to see different angles of different scenarios and situations.
Getting to have been in many ways raised by him for six—about six years. Getting to work side by side with him, along with countless other mentors and friends, because of that interaction and the opportunity to be in that office space.
I have been trained to ask a lot of questions.
Thinking Differently
I’ve been trained to think in different ways. And some of those have helped me see things differently and kind of analyze things in different ways.
One of them is how I read the scriptures and how I think about this faith community that we have.
I’m going to show you a little bit later a scripture approach that I have fallen in love with because it allows me to be the question thinker.
Mark Chapter 8
But these are verses in Mark, chapter 8, that I just want to read and think about.
I love trees. And so when I see things that don’t make sense to me in the scriptures, this is where some of the thoughts of Clay have helped me kind of noodle and churn on different things.
And this is about Christ.
The Blind Man
And they did bring a blind man unto him and besought him.
And these are the disciples that brought him unto him and besought Christ to touch the blind man.
Christ took the blind man by the hand and led him out of town.
Holding Hands
There’s so many things already in—in that verse of 23.
I don’t know about you, but being single for so many years and not having somebody to hold my hand—holding hands is a really big deal.
Um, those of you that haven’t been single for a minute, kissing can happen without a commitment, in case you were curious. You can have a very appropriate makeout session and nobody has to claim each other.
Being Seen Together
Holding hands, however, is a portrayal to the world that I am with this person and that I’m willing to be seen with this person and that I’m claiming this person and that we are walking side by side.
There is something so powerful in my mind about holding hands and having somebody take my hand—to take our hand.
Christ took this blind man by the hand and led him out of town.
Away From the Crowd
Let him away from all the hustle and bustle.
- All the peering eyes.
- All the attacking eyes.
- All the curious eyes that weren’t really invested.
I loved Elder Corbett’s thoughts today. Loved them so dearly. And just remembering how to guard against the critical.
And this is where I really love Christ—and when he spit on his eyes.
“So Weird—and Yet So Intimate”
So weird. Like this is so weird.
And yet so intimate, so deeply intimate.
Christ put his hands upon him and asked the blind man if he saw.
A blind man looked up and he said, “I see men as trees walking.”
Trees Don’t Walk
This is what triggered all of my like what is happening? Because trees don’t walk—unless you’re reading Narnia and J.R.R. Tolkien books.
Trees don’t walk.
And then after Christ put his hands upon the blind man again and made him look up and he was restored and saw every man clearly.
Seeing Clearly
I have pondered these verses so many times and realized how much I fall in the same spot as this blind man—who when Christ does something bizarre, he takes me by the hand, leads me out of town, and then does something illogical to help me see clearly.
And I still can’t, quite.
And when I go back to him or receive his hands again, I then can see clearly.
Half-Baked Blueprints
One of the things I’ve been curious about in all of the scriptures is how often the Lord gives halfbaked blueprints to his men and women.
He gives a little bit of the story, and then I feel like so often it’s like—let’s create the rest together.
How My Head Works
Let’s do the rest of this side by side. This is where my headspace comes from.
As I share some thoughts, this is how I churn.
I was trained and taught by Clay Christensen and many other mentors to question, to push, to be curious.
And with that, I ask so many questions. So many questions.
“My Job Is I Ask Questions”
When people ask me what my job is at the Church headquarters, really my answer is—I ask questions. I ask a lot of questions.
This has led—oh, wait. I want to tell you some of the questions I ask and I’ve noticed.
Noticing Patterns
Have you ever been curious or recognized that we have a Relief Society room and we have no elders quorum room?
We have a young women’s room in our Church buildings, and we have no young men’s room.
We have a general Relief Society president, and we have no general elders president.
No right or wrong. I’m not—I’m not going to make any judgments on anything.
But this is where my head has gone for a number of years—just like curious. I’m curious.
Priesthood Keys and Leadership Tools
Other curiosities with different conversations.
Somehow I’ve realized that I have assumed—when somebody is called to a calling with priesthood keys—I’ve assumed and expected them to have leadership tools as well.
That’s not actually true all the time.
Because somebody can be called to have priesthood keys and have never actually had an experience, or multiple experiences, where they are master leaders.
Those aren’t mutually exclusive.
You don’t instantaneously become a masterful leader the minute you are called to an office with priesthood keys or called to a calling.
Yes, magnified completely.
But I haven’t experienced a magical wand that all of a sudden gives me capabilities and skills that I’ve never touched before.
And yet somehow I find myself—or have found myself—expecting that.
Men, Women, and Conversations
I have been curious about conversations—largely men versus women—and sometimes in our Church.
And somehow I think that conversation turns to men with priesthood keys in a certain office versus everyday men of God.
Those are different conversations.
And the comparing of a female voice to a voice of a priesthood-key office—and sometimes I worry that our everyday men of God get left behind in conversations.
And similar dialogues and similar struggles are happening.
But somehow in today’s world, as a single female gets to have a voice for the first time in the world’s history—which is powerful and beautiful—to what—what’s the cost? What’s the cost of all humanity?
Pulling the Trump Card
I also wonder—and again, curious, no judgment—do we ever find ourselves in a situation where we are lacking in communication tools and navigational tools, and we pull out a trump card?
We pull out a trump card of, “Well, it’s because I’m mom, so deal with it.”
“It’s because I’m the president, so deal with it.”
“It’s because I have the priesthood, so deal with it.”
How often do we find, perhaps, ourselves in situations where we are striving to figure out some conclusion and get to some spot, and we might be lacking in some communication or navigational tools and just pull out a trump card?
And then it gets sticky.
Authority Is Not License to Belittle
Because actually none of those things give authority to belittle—ever.
I don’t care what scenario it is.
As a parent.
lass=”yoast-text-mark” />>As a teacher.<br class=”yoast-text-mark” />>As a called leader.
>As a paid leader in any organization.
Those don’t work very well.
What Do We Mean by “Council”?
I’ve also wondered about how we deem the word council.
Somehow our council conversation turns into a kitchen drawer of—everything fits into it and everything goes into it.
Are they logistical conversations?
Are they wrestling conversations?
Are they trying to—what actually are we doing in a council meeting?
And how often do people walk away frustrated because we actually didn’t do anything?
So just different curiosities.
So many different curiosities.
From Curiosity to Action
So many of these curiosities have led to having conversations with two different women that I treasure so deeply—and thinking about what we could do for the women of the Alpine Stake.
I got to be in the Relief Society presidency, which is hilarious because I was raised in that stake—which meant I was the kid—and yet they let me be an adult.
It was like the magical land that I was like, “Oh, cool. You trust me—but yet I can get away with a lot of things because you know me. This is so good.”
Creating Your Unique Influence
So, I chatted with Wendy Ulrich—I don’t know if you’re familiar with her—and then a woman named Rebecca Mayor.
And we started playing with some ideas about creating a woman’s life leadership course.
And we titled it Your Unique Influence.
Much to that—the quote that you shared earlier—of recognizing influence is mandatory as human beings.
There’s no getting around the fact that we have influence no matter what situation we’re in.
And so, how can we own our influence and be able to actually utilize it in different ways?
A Ten-Week Course
I just want to give you a sneak peek of kind of what we crafted, and then go into a little bit more detail about this.
So, we turned it into a ten-week course.
And we did some intros and expectations.
And then we talked about these different modules and kind of broke them out into—let’s talk seriously and for real about covenants.
We use that word so often, and sometimes I don’t know how often we really truly get into it.
Because for me, that takes a couple clicks to get into—like what does it actually look like for my day-to-day interactions.
Covenant Modules and Personal Leadership
Priesthood. What does that look like and mean for my daily life?
Then we did a module about personal leadership in our own lives, a module of relational leadership in our own lives, and then a module of organizational leadership in our own lives—and then owning our own learning.
The entire time we—we—I’m a little bit of a bossy pants—and had an essay due for these women that volunteered to sign up for these courses.
They had to write an essay, or at least a one-pager, of what were their sticky thoughts throughout the entire thing so that they owned their takeaways.
A Woman’s Reflection
So I just want to share this quote from a woman:
This class helped me understand the spiritual privileges I have as an endowed woman and helped me understand the importance of the temple and the covenants I make there.
It has helped me take action in my family, and I’m making plans to enable me to have more righteous influence in my community.
The class helped me feel empowered without ever diminishing men and their important role.
Being a woman in a church where all the visible leadership is done by men can produce a lot of cognitive dissonance, and I kind of thought of it like a chronic illness that we had to suffer through in this life—but hopefully would be resolved somehow in the next life.
This class felt so healing, and I really feel more at peace with my place in the kingdom, and I think this kind of understanding could help a lot of younger women not leave the Church.
Conversations That Matter
So I just want to hit a couple of these conversations that we focused on in this class—for whatever it might be for you, whatever might resonate for you.
We talked about—we talk—and the things that are empowering personally for me and Wendy and Rebecca, as we’ve crafted this, is that covenants mean pursue.
God Is in Pursuit
If you remember Elder Kearon’s first conference talk as an apostle, he made a comment that God and Jesus Christ are in pursuit of us.
That concept means so much to me as I’ve gone through years and years of really great dating stories.
I can tell you countless of them where it just didn’t feel like I was being pursued. I didn’t understand that concept.
And I found these images of Christ knocking at the door that looked like he was eager—that he was running. He was anxious. He couldn’t wait to be with whomever is behind that door.
Probably not caring what the house looked like, how much homework got done, all the different pieces—just anxiously eager to spend time with whoever is behind that door.
A Scripture Study Approach
The other thing we talked about is doing a scripture study approach to actually know and fall in love with God our Father and our Savior Jesus Christ through the Spirit.
This is an approach of scripture that I learned secondhand from somebody at BYU. I never took the class, but Brother Sommerfeldt was a professor that taught about scripture study, and this was his approach.
And I had a friend tell me about it—which is probably why I remembered it, because I never had to take the class.
“Nothing to Accomplish”
But this concept is: set a timer, and there’s nothing to accomplish other than be in relationship with God.
So whether it’s a timer for one minute, for five minutes, for fifteen minutes—start that conversation with a prayer or a question of what’s on our heart and minds.
Largely, a lot of times it turns into, for me, What would you have me learn? What would you have me know today?
First-Person, Present Tense Faith
One of the things that Clay taught so powerfully was that missionary moments and experiences were not from yesterday.
He taught so deeply that he always wanted to be speaking in first-person present tense when he talked about God.
- It was not something that happened thirty years ago.
- It wasn’t a relationship that happened thirty years ago.
- It wasn’t one experience.
It was a constant, living, daily experience.
This approach has given me that.
Letting the Question Snag You
It has given me opportunities to ask, “What would you have me know today?”
Start reading and then let myself get snagged—just like I did with the trees in Mark 8.
Why in the world are we talking about trees walking around like men?
And all of a sudden, when the question gets posed, there then creates an opportunity for the Spirit to dump knowing—I’m actually ready to receive what they are willing to offer.
Recording and Paying Attention</strong>
All of a sudden my personal dialogue and conversation begins.
And I can then start churning and processing, writing, and proving to heaven that I’m actually willing to record and pay attention to what’s happening.
Then going back and forth and back and forth in that process for however much time I’ve allotted for that day.
And then closing in humble prayer and gratitude for the moment I got to spend with the God of the universe—because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, through the Spirit.
Covenant and Commitment
With this concept of teaching the power of covenant—that God is anxiously pursuing me as much as I’m pursuing him, and wants to be in a committed relationship with me.
We then get to enter into the fold of the priesthood, in which we have authority to write his name—write his name on our checks.
Authority Through Covenant
As I had a friend—she was going through a tricky spot in her marriage—and she was thinking about covenants and thought, I made a covenant with my husband. What does that actually mean?
And it means she had permission to use his name for things.
She had access to his network—for better and for worse sometimes.
She had access to his family and had to claim his family—again, better or worse sometimes.
But there is an authority that comes from making a commitment and a covenant that we’re both in this together.
And that we’re both choosing this.
And therein lies power in the priesthood—because I am now in a covenant relationship with the God of the universe and have a different authority.
Receiving “All That He Hath”
One thing that has been eye-opening to me is thinking about how God wants us to receive all that he hath.
My dad invested—my parents invested—in a boat years ago so that our family could be together.
We have a huge age range. I’m the oldest. My youngest sister is eighteen years younger than me.
And they’re like, “What do we do with these kids and create these healthy, meaningful relationships?”
So, we got a boat.
Learning to Care for What Is Given
And I have thought about if my dad were ever to offer me all that he hath—and to take care of all that he hath—so that we could have amazing family experiences.
There would have to be a lot of work for me to figure out how to take care of this boat.
I don’t do details very well. And this takes a lot of details.
And that has taught me a lot about our Father’s plan—that he is anxiously wanting in pursuit of us to have all that he has—and we’re here to practice.
Divine Direction and Resilience
The other three modules go into this concept of owning and then leading out in our own lives—knowing that we have divine direction.
But then also there are times to be resilient in that, because things don’t go the way we always think they should go.
There are—we know this—but how do I take the divine direction and then actually have the confidence to navigate?
The E-Bike
I’ve thought about, so much, an e-bike—that I can go different places with an e-bike than my own legs can pedal.
My own strength can’t get me to all the places, but an e-bike can.
The Atonement—the covenant relationship with Christ—can get me to places and navigate in a way that I’m never a victim.
Leading in Relationships
Then owning and leading out in our own relationships—where we are truly ministering with boundaries and forgiveness.
- We can be a guest in certain situations.
- We can be a host in certain situations.
- We can actually facilitate, and then also receive, at different seasons.
The Good Samaritan and Boundaries
In this, I think about the Good Samaritan so much.
This Good Samaritan found this man on the road. He took him to—have you noticed—an inn.
- He did not take him home.
- He did not make his wife take care of this man.
- He did not marry him off to his daughter.
- He did not give him a job.
No, he saw him in a situation—in a scenario—and took him to an inn and said, “I’ll come back and pay for more bills as necessary.”
But he knew where to draw the line.
He was such a minister—and also knew when to end.
Leading From Any Seat
Owning and leading in organizations—recognizing that there are counseling conversations, there are logistical conversations—and helping own and lead from any seat, no matter what those conversations are happening.
Again, going back to one of my curiosities—how often do we expect the person that has priesthood keys to be the ultimate end-all leader, and not recognizing we’re all here as a village to create an environment together?
I can ask questions no matter what seat and calling I have—in gracious ways—to help move the work forward when perhaps a bishop or a stake president has twenty billion other things to be thinking about.
Testimony and Invitation
<p><p>I testify in a deep and powerful way that as men and women of God who know him intimately—who then happen to have made covenants because we are anxious to be in pursuit with each other—we then have authority and power to change the world in incredible ways.<p>
I love this concept of King Arthur’s round table.<p>I believe this concept is exactly what the Lord would have us be—and it’s having us practice being.
And I testify that we have influence unique to our own skills and opportunities and experiences, and that we are called and asked to use that influence in bold and gracious ways.
I say these things in the name of our Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.
