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God Sits With You in the Dark

by Autumn Dickson

Psalm 102 is a chapter that reminds me a bit of one of the chapters we already discussed in psalms. The psalmist feels weary and broken, but despite the hardship the psalmist still praises the Lord. When we discussed the similar psalm last time, we spoke about the faith-building activity of praising the Lord after pouring our hearts out to Him. I want to approach it from a different angle this time.

We know that the psalmist has a testimony of the Lord from verses like this.

Psalms 102:24-27

24 I said, O my God, take me not away in the midst of my days: thy years are throughout all generations.

25 Of old hast thou laid the foundation of the earth: and the heavens are the work of thy hands.

26 They shall perish, but thou shalt endure: yea, all of them shall wax old like a garment; as a vesture shalt thou change them, and they shall be changed:

27 But thou art the same, and thy years shall have no end.

Despite all that the psalmist is feeling, he recognizes that the Lord’s power endures beyond it all. He is strong and unending, omniscient, omnipotent. The psalmist also has a testimony that the Lord listens to those who are weak.

Psalms 102:17 He will regard the prayer of the destitute, and not despise their prayer.

This psalmist has some very important testimonies. He knows the power of God, and He knows that God is on his side. What more could you ask for in this mortal life? Surely the Lord allows difficulty in mortality for a reason, but when everything boils down, you have already won everything because of the merits of the Savior. We have every reason to rejoice. We have every reason to see the happy ending on the horizon. We have every reason to be at peace because the Lord is our God, and He has promised to make everything right.

And yet, despite this testimony of God’s omnipotence and willingness to uphold His children, this psalmist also spends half the psalm crying out to God over his pain.

It’s easy to think of the psalmist as complaining in the beginning. It would be easy to assume he simply doesn’t have enough faith and grows into that faith by the end of the psalm. He had to grow through a process in which his faith was building enough to comfort him. And in some ways, this viewpoint is accurate. I’m sure he did grow when he praised the Lord in pain.

I’ve watched it occur many times in my own life.

There have been many times where the Lord has helped me walk through faith-building activities. I’ve started at a low point only to end in a place where I sincerely feel like rejoicing because He has given me glimpses of how my story ends.

And yet, as I read this psalm this morning, the Lord gave me a different viewpoint.

Yes, I’m sure the psalmist grew in faith as he wrote about his testimony. However, the psalmist didn’t start from a point of faithlessness. It takes faith to praise the Lord in a time of need, but it also takes faith to be vulnerable and turn to the Lord in a time of need.

I have a testimony of the Lord. I know Him. I know His character, and I often feel reason to rejoice. When things are hard, I don’t often have to force myself into gratitude. I know that He will carry me. He has proved it time and again.

And yet despite the many testimonies that He has given me of Him and despite the many times that He has proved Himself, mortal life still feels heavy sometimes. So, so heavy. Faith can be a remedy to some of that heaviness, but it is not accurate to say that heaviness comes because of a lack of faith.

It takes faith to find comfort when surrounded by the heaviness of mortal life.

But it also takes faith to keep holding on when the Lord is silent. It takes faith to remember Him enough to wait it out when you don’t feel like rejoicing. It takes faith to turn to Him in despair even when it doesn’t feel as though He is responding much. Heaviness and difficulty in mortal life aren’t signs that your faith is weak; heaviness and difficulty are simply facts of mortal life.

And sometimes sitting in that heaviness is what you need. Sometimes you don’t need to find the bright light yet. Sometimes you just need Someone to sit with you in the heaviness for a while before it’s time to find the lightness again.

I remember being in a dark place on my mission. Everything felt heavy and hopeless. I didn’t want to love anyone anymore because I was so tired of all the pain that came with loving people. Maybe I didn’t actually feel that way long-term, but at that moment, I was too tired to keep loving all of these people. It had weight, especially when people didn’t choose the things that could bring hope or even when people were simply going through their own heaviness. I was just tired.

As my companion took a shower, I went out to our living area and prayed in that darkness. He came. He didn’t directly comfort me. He didn’t whisper a happy ending or try to lift my sights. I actually distinctly remember feeling like He was just sitting with me in that heaviness and darkness. It was precisely what I needed.

Faith can take on many forms. It can look like rejoicing, and I am so grateful to have found that powerful aspect of faith. But I also know that sitting in darkness is not an indication of a lack of faith.

I testify that mortal life is supposed to be heavy and dark sometimes. It was part of His divine plan. It was supposed to happen. We were supposed to be taken to our limits so that we could expand our limits. I testify that faith often comforts and uplifts and rejoices in the midst of difficulty, but I also that sometimes faith manifests in a slightly more subtle feeling. It’s the feeling that you want to keep holding on even when the rejoicing is absent. It’s a feeling that you can be open and vulnerable with Him, and He will not scorn you for it. I testify that He will hear the prayer of the destitute and not despise them for it.

 

Autumn Dickson was born and raised in a small town in Texas. She served a mission in the Indianapolis Indiana mission. She studied elementary education but has found a particular passion in teaching the gospel. Her desire for her content is to inspire people to feel confident, peaceful, and joyful about their relationship with Jesus Christ and to allow that relationship to touch every aspect of their lives. Autumn was the recipient of FAIR’s 2024 John Taylor Defender of the Faith Award.