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The True Definition of “Preside”

by Autumn Dickson

The Family Proclamation turned 30 this year. It is a document that teaches about God’s plan for families. Though many believe it to be outdated, I testify of its ongoing relevance. Its principles hold truth that can protect and save. If everyone went home and tried to follow the principles within this document, society would evolve overnight.

As I approach some of these principles in this post, it’s important to note that The Family Proclamation is the ideal. None of us are going to reach the ideal on this side of the veil, but we still teach the ideal. Sometimes teaching the ideal has the undesirable side effect of making us feel discouraged. We cannot afford to let that take hold in our lives. Satan would love to take the ideal and twist it so that it crushes us, and we get to decide whether we let those feelings into our lives or whether we hold on to the hope that is Jesus Christ.

So, like the Family Proclamation, I want to try and teach the ideal. Your circumstances may not allow the ideal. How you grew up may not have even afforded you a glimpse of the ideal, but consciously choose how you’re going to look at this ideal. You can look at it and wonder if God doesn’t love you because you don’t have that ideal, you can feel hopeless about ever reaching that ideal, OR you can tell Satan to back off. God teaches the ideal so you can strive for it, but God also teaches the ideal because He’s trying to give you a glimpse of His promises to you. He is saying, “This is what I want for you because I love you. This is what you were always meant to have. This IS what you will have if you hold on.”

So let’s talk about one of these truths with that understanding.

One of the truths that is often mocked and twisted is regarding fathers.

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.

There is a lot that we could dissect in that one sentence, but I’m going to pull out one of the first phrases.

Fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness.

“Preside” is the troublesome word in the eyes of the world. According to the dictionary, the word “preside” means to be in a position of authority so when we use this word, we often picture a home where the father gets the final say on any decision. Even when a husband loves his wife and listens to her honest opinion, it doesn’t feel good to think that the man still gets the final say, and that’s it. Is that really the end of the story? Even when he loves and listens to his wife, there are still moments where her perspectives go unheard because apparently it’s divinely appointed. Then, there’s the pressure that gets placed on the man for this kind of responsibility. No longer does he have a true partner to share life with. He carries it all because it ultimately falls on him.

There have been a lot of things in the gospel and church that haven’t always felt perfect or right when I’ve originally learned about them. I’ve learned that if I trust God and keep going, I’ve been led to answers from Him. It has been no different with this particular principle.

If you keep reading in The Family Proclamation, you come across this line as well.

In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.

This is our first hint that maybe we don’t fully understand what we’re reading. How can two people be equal partners if one person always gets the final say unless it’s specifically “given” to the other partner? So which part am I reading wrong? Which part don’t I understand? Is it the “equal” part or the “presiding” part?

As I’ve pondered this particular question, I had a thought come to my mind.

If I truly want to have the family that the Lord wants me to have, I have to ignore the world’s meaning of the word “preside” and embrace what the Lord means by the word “preside.”

This isn’t just me trying to skirt my way around a difficult issue. It’s not me doing mental gymnastics to try and make sense of it. Look at the Lord. The Lord presides differently than the rest of the world. He is the ultimate presiding officer and yet, we didn’t see Him going around and making demands. We didn’t see Him silencing good people and ignoring the opinions of others. He certainly wasn’t disregarding the women in His life in the name of presiding officer.

One of the foremost characteristics of Christ’s life was His desire to serve. He devoted His life to securing what was best for everyone around Him. He was the ultimate presiding officer, and He was also the ultimate servant. Perhaps in the eyes of the Lord, presiding means the first person to step up and serve everyone around them. Presiding meant making decisions sometimes, but it also meant encouraging others to step up and lead. Presiding meant washing feet; it meant laying down His life, not putting His life above all others.

Presiding, according to the Lord’s interpretation, also means lifting everyone. The ultimate purpose of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are to bring about our immortality and eternal life. They want to lift us to where They are. It’s not about controlling us and forcing us to do what they think is best. It’s about meeting us where we’re at and trying to lift us so that we can be as good and wise and loving and happy as They are.

I hold no issue with this definition of my husband presiding in my home.

I testify that the gospel holds up on closer inspection. Things that may seem troublesome or off can stand up to the light when we look at it with Christ. I testify that Heavenly Father has a plan for our families. I testify that His plan is based on serving each other and lifting each other, not ruling over each other.

 

Autumn Dickson was born and raised in a small town in Texas. She served a mission in the Indianapolis Indiana mission. She studied elementary education but has found a particular passion in teaching the gospel. Her desire for her content is to inspire people to feel confident, peaceful, and joyful about their relationship with Jesus Christ and to allow that relationship to touch every aspect of their lives. Autumn was the recipient of FAIR’s 2024 John Taylor Defender of the Faith Award.