FAIR

Gospel Living

How Can I Love People I Disagree With?

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The two great commandments are to love God and love our neighbor. But because God’s children have a wide diversity of opinions and personalities, the second commandment can be difficult to keep. Contention has always plagued the human family, and it seems to only grow louder with the rise of social media.

Respectful communication may feel like a dying art, but it is still possible, and it has never been more needed. With the help of our Savior and His teachings, we can learn how to navigate these tough conversations and maintain our commitment to both truth and love.

So, how can we love someone we disagree with? Here are some suggestions:

  1. Be humble and teachable.
  2. See them as a child of God.
  3. Actively love.

Be Humble and Teachable

First, we can remember to practice humility. Wilford Woodruff reminded:

“We all have our weaknesses; God has permitted them that we might be taught humility in ourselves and charity toward others. We none of us are perfect whilst we dwell in the flesh.”[1]

A disagreement is an opportunity to practice the virtues of humility and charity. When we sincerely listen to someone’s perspective and try to recognize and correct our own mistakes, it can do a lot to heal a strained relationship, even if we still disagree.

Wilford Woodruff, 1888, Salt Lake City, Utah

On many topics of opinion and public policy, there may be more than one right answer, and answers may change as new evidence comes to li

ght. We can try to be open minded toward other people’s ideas and conscious of where we may be biased or misinformed. As the Savior taught in His Sermon on the Mount, we shouldn’t rush to remove the mote from our brother’s eye while we may have a beam in our own (>Matthew 7:3–5).

There is such a thing as absolute truth from the mouth of God, where answers don’t change. If a friend is disagreeing with revealed eternal doctrine or teachings from the prophets, humility does not mean retreating from our testimony. The message is not the problem, but our approach may be.

The Lord has instructed us to teach by persuasion, gentleness, meekness, and kindness (Doctrine and Covenants 121:41–42). Rather than speaking the truth with aggression or condescension, we are to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Being rude isn’t justified by being right, and jumping to correct someone may not be productive. Elder Gary E Stevenson explained, “When it comes to missionary work, God doesn’t need you to be His sheriff”.[2] President Dallin H Oaks further stated that being a peacemaker “does not mean to compromise our principles and priorities but to cease harshly attacking others for theirs”.[3]

Speaking to the Saints in Ogden in 1880, Wilford Woodruff said,

“Our aim is high and glorious and our mission is sublime above all others. . . . Let us, therefore, be one; be ready to forgive, let us never think we have so much dignity that we need no instruction or chastisement. Let us be humble and ponder what we are here for.”[4]

One of the things we are here for is to stand as examples of Christlike love. What message is our behavior during an argument sending? Are we inadvertently teaching our friends that Church members are judgmental, self-righteous, and unkind? Or are we showing them that disciples of Christ are humble, compassionate, and welcoming?

See Them as a Child of God

When we feel we are under attack, our brains often fail to keep a clear perspective. Our drive toward self-defense can lead us to overestimate our own wisdom and virtues, while hyperfocusing on the faults and errors of our perceived attackers. If we aren’t careful, we may see the person in front of us as a problem rather than a human being.

In an 1889 letter to Church leadership in New Zealand, Wilford Woodruff wrote:

“All men are the sons of God and should be treated as brethren in all the relationships of life.”[5]

Elder Ulisses Soares reaffirmed this message in 2023:

“We are all begotten spirit sons and daughters of heavenly parents who truly love us… We all have divine nature, heritage, and potential… We are all equal before God.”

</blockquote>A person who argues with us is much more than an adversary; they are our spiritual brother or sister, and they have a loving Father in Heaven and a future full of divine po

ssibilities. Instead of reducing them to one opinion, we should open our eyes to see more of who they really are. If this is someone we see regularly, we could write out a list of their positive attributes to keep as a reminder. We can set aside their “bad parts” for a moment—what are the good parts? We could think of what we first remember admiring about them, their skills and talents, the good memories we’ve shared, what we both enjoy, the positive impact they have, and the wonderful person they may yet become.Seeing people as children of God can also help us see ourselves in them. Just like us, all of God’s children experience hurt, frustration, and sadness. Just like us, their emotions and negative life events can influence the way they see things. In their bad moments, we should treat them the way we wish people would have treated us in our bad moments. We should pray for the strength to give them grace, just as we have been given grace, and to feel God’s love for them. Elder Karl D. Hirst said,

“Whichever parts of us seem different, His love is where we find togetherness. . . .  When we love one another in this way, as completely and fully as we can, heaven gets involved too.”[6]

In the early years of the Church, members were often persecuted in ways we are blessed to not experience. The Saints were imprisoned, attacked, and discriminated against on many sides, and yet they resisted the urge to demonize their persecutors. In an epistle to the Saints in 1886, Wilford Woodruff wrote:

“Do not harbor envy, vengeance, or hatred against this nation or against those who have aided or abetted in your suffering, but rather go before the Lord and pray that He will soften [their] hearts.”[7]

He remembered everyone’s status as children of God with the option to repent, and he firmly held out hope that they would. With help from heaven, we can carry on this legacy, following our Savior’s example of loving even our enemies (see Matthew 5:44). Christ never gives up on them, and neither should we.

Actively Love

Love is both a feeling and an action. Having this perspective can expand our understanding of the command to love our neighbors and enemies. If we aren’t experiencing feelings of love, we can still obey by doing actions of love. If we don’t love someone, we should love them anyway!

Charity, the pure love of Christ, is another description of love in action. President Russell M. Nelson taught,

“Charity is the antidote to contention. Charity is the spiritual gift that helps us to cast off the natural man, who is selfish, defensive, prideful, and jealous. Charity is the principal characteristic of a true follower of Jesus Christ…  In situations that are highly charged and filled with contention, I invite you to remember Jesus Christ.”[8]

Looking to Jesus Christ as our example, we can put off the natural man and choose charity instead.

There are many ways to apply this advice in tough moments.

  • If we want to scream or throw out an insult at someone we disagree with, we can make an effort to take a deep breath and speak calmly instead.
  • If we’ve started mentally labeling them as a bad person, we can make an effort to rewrite those thoughts.
  • If we feel the urge to talk badly about them behind their back, we can make an effort to say positive things about them instead.</li>

Anything we can do to help them is loving them, even if our emotions aren’t on board—and our actions will influence our emotions over time.

Elder David L. Bucker taught, “In a world calling for division, distance, and disengagement, there is always much more that unites us than divides us.”[9] Sometimes a conflict feels so big that we forget all the space around it. If we set aside our fight for a moment, could we still be good study partners in geometry with someone we disagree with? Could we have great conversations about other topics? How about getting a group together and playing pickleball, hiking, seeing a movie, or going to a football game? Could we drop small compliments, help with little inconveniences, or share good news and lucky breaks? Every time we interact with them, we have an opportunity to take steps in a more positive direction.

Press Forward in Faith

In an epistle to the Saints in 1893, Wilford Woodruff wrote:

“We feel now that a time for reconciliation has come; that before entering into the Temple to present ourselves before the Lord in solemn assembly, we shall divest ourselves of every harsh and unkind feeling against each other; that not only our bickerings shall cease, but that the cause of them shall be removed, and every sentiment that prompted and has maintained them shall be dispelled.”[10]

His optimism may seem bold, but remember what the God we worship is able to do! Remember what incredible promises He makes with us in the temple! We have much more important and joyful things to do than hold grudges.

Navigating disagreements is not an easy task, but our prophet Russell M Nelson confirms that “the Lord loves effort”.[11] As we keep making efforts to love those we disagree with and improve the way we communicate, the Lord will be with us and work miracles in His time.

Cammie Garner studied biodiversity and conservation at Brigham Young University. Next, she completed a master’s degree in biology education from Grand Canyon University. After working as a tutor and STEM camp counselor, she became a full-time service missionary for The Church. As a missionary she serves in the temple, FamilySearch center, humanitarian center, and local art lab. Cammie also produces content for missionary social media projects. Cammie enjoys writing, painting, music, and sharing the good news of Jesus Christ.

The Wilford Woodruff Papers Foundation’s mission is to digitally preserve and publish Wilford Woodruff’s eyewitness account of the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We make his records universally accessible in order to inspire all people, especially the rising generation, to study and to increase their faith in Jesus Christ. For more information, please explore wilfordwoodruffpapers.org.

  1. Discourse by Wilford Woodruff, circa 1888, p. 4, The Wilford Woodruff Papers, wilfordwoodruffpapers.org/discourse/1888. ↑
  2. Gary E. Stevenson, “Love, Share, Invite,” April 2022 general conference, ChurchofJesusChrist.org. ↑
  3. Dallin H. Oaks, “Following Christ,” April 2024 general conference, ChurchofJesusChrist.org. ↑
  4. Discourse by Wilford Woodruff, December 19, 1880, p. 1, The Wilford Woodruff Papers, wilfordwoodruffpapers.org/discourse/1880-12-19. ↑
  5. Letter to William Paxman, May 23, 1889, p. 1, The Wilford Woodruff Papers, wilfordwoodruffpapers.org/letter/1889-05-23. ↑
  6. Karl D. Hirst, “God’s Favourite,” October 2024 general conference, ChurchofJesusChrist.org. ↑
  7. Epistle to the Saints Scattered Abroad, November 1886, p. 21, The Wilford Woodruff Papers, wilfordwoodruffpapers.org/epistle/1886-11. ↑
  8. Russell M. Nelson, “Peacemakers Needed,” April 2023 general conference, ChurchofJesusChrist.org. ↑
  9. David L. Buckner, “Ye Are My Friends,” October 2024 general conference, ChurchofJesusChrist.org. ↑
  10. Epistle to the Saints, 1893, p. 2, The Wilford Woodruff Papers, wilfordwoodruffpapers.org/epistle/1893. ↑
  11. Russell M. Nelson quoted by Joy D. Jones in “An Especially Noble Calling,” April 2020 general conference, ChurchofJesusChrist.org. ↑

Asking Big Questions: Why Should I Do Family History?

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by Michelle Pack

The “Asking Big Questions” series is made in cooperation with the Wilford Woodruff Papers Project.

Time is at a premium these days. Between school, homework, sports, jobs, and so much more, it seems like there isn’t extra time to do something like family history work. But what if doing family history work were easy or came with a blessing? Well, it can be, and it does.

Why is family history work important?

When we do family history work, we find names of our ancestors who need temple blessings. When we find those names, we can take them to the temple so their ordinance work can be done. It is our covenant obligation as members of the Church to give those who have not heard the gospel the opportunity to receive the ordinances necessary to live with God again.

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Asking Big Questions: How Can I Know If I’ve Been Forgiven?

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by Kamryn Maughan

The “Asking Big Questions” series is made in cooperation with the Wilford Woodruff Papers Project.

Going to the Savior, Peter asked, “How oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times?” Jesus responded, “I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21–22). Just as we are commanded to forgive others, our merciful Heavenly Father promises to forgive us. Although we may understand this promise, it can be difficult to know if we’ve been forgiven. Three actions can help us feel God’s forgiveness: repenting, recognizing the Spirit, and reflecting on Jesus Christ.

CONTINUED HERE

Asking Big Questions: How do I keep my Testimony?

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In a world of so many opinions and voices, it can be hard to find the truth and gain a testimony. But what comes next can be just as hard – keeping that testimony. Once a testimony has been gained, how do you keep your testimony?

Alma’s Insight

In the Book of Mormon, the prophet Alma invites us to treat the word of God as a seed, and plant it in our hearts, then care for it until it begins to grow. If it grows, then we will have received a testimony that it is good and true – but he doesn’t stop there.

“And behold, after ye have tasted this light, is your knowledge perfect? Behold I say unto you, nay; neither must ye lay aside your faith… if ye nourish it with much care, it will get root and grow up, and bring forth fruit…” (Alma 32:28-43) 

We must continually do the things that helped us gain our testimony in the first place, to help it grow – study the scriptures and the doctrine of the Gospel, continually pray to Heavenly Father to help us know the truth, and live that which we know to be true.

We as children of God were never meant to stay the same throughout our entire lives, nor were our testimonies. Just like any living thing, they require nourishment and care to grow, and stay alive.

Keep your testimony alive

The Lord counseled the prophet Wilford Woodruff:

“Pray always and faint not; exercise faith in the Lord and in the promises of God; be valiant in the testimony of Jesus Christ. The eyes of the Lord and the Heavenly Hosts are watching over you and your acts. Therefore be faithful until I come.”

We can also apply the counsel the Lord gave Wilford Woodruff:

First

The Lord reminded Woodruff to pray always and not faint. Prayer is our communication with our Heavenly Father. It doesn’t have to be memorized or eloquent. It can be silent or spoken. Our Heavenly Father loves us and listens to us when we open our hearts to Him in prayer. As we communicate with Him, He speaks to us in return. We call that process personal revelation. Frequently during or after a prayer, we may feel a prompting to take action. 

“Act on your righteous desires. There is wisdom in the saying, “Pray as if everything depends on the Lord, then work as if everything depends on you.” It is in the process of doing that we often get guidance and help from God.” How to Pray

As we speak with God and learn to receive guidance from Him, we’re enabled to do the second thing the Lord counseled Wilford to do.

Second Step

Wilford was counseled to “exercise faith in the Lord and in the promises of God.” Faith is ultimately a principle of action. One way we ‘exercise faith’ is to act upon guidance we receive when we pray. Elder Bednar said:

“Taking action is the exercise of faith. The children of Israel are carrying the ark of the covenant. They come to the River Jordan. The promise is they will cross over on dry land. When does the water part? When their feet are wet. They walk into the river—act. Power follows—the water parts.

“We oftentimes believe, “I’m going to have this perfect understanding, and then I’m going to transform that into what I do.” I would suggest that we have enough to get started. We have a sense of the right direction. Faith is a principle—the principle—of action and of power. True faith is focused in and on the Lord Jesus Christ and always leads to action.”

As we take action, we increasingly see the power of God at work in our lives.

Third is be Valiant

As Wilford, we are also called to be valiant in the testimony of Jesus. “Each of us will be called upon to act in moments that are difficult and yet defining,” Elder Golden taught. “These moments will determine who we are and what we have become.”  Elder Cook helps us understand a little better how to be valiant:

“To be valiant, we need to focus on the power of Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice to overcome death and, through our repentance, to cleanse us from sin, and we need to follow the doctrine of Christ.29 We also need the light and knowledge of the Savior’s life and teachings to guide us on the covenant pathway, including the sacred ordinances of the temple. We must be steadfast in Christ, feast upon His word, and endure to the end.”

Wilford spent the remainder of his life sharing his testimony and living the gospel to the fullest of his ability. He said “I count it a privilege to join my Brethren in bearing my testimony of the things of God.”

May we always seek to live and share that which we know to be true. As we nourish our testimonies, the Lord will bless our efforts and it will flourish into a beautiful garden of gospel truths.