I have been fortunate to grow up in a loving and supportive family, and to continually find mentors who have encouraged me to pursue my love of science. As a life-long member of the Church, I am proud of my pioneer ancestors, and I have a strong desire to live up to their example of faith and sheer determination to overcome any obstacle. I have had to rely on those qualities many times. It’s still amazing to me how many roadblocks to being a scientific scholar face a woman who is LDS and is also a mother. And blonde. But my parents have always been supportive, and as an undergraduate at BYU I had wonderful mentors who encouraged me on my way. In fact, the most supportive men I have ever encountered are exactly those who are the most Christ-like, and this has been of fundamental importance to me in my moments of doubt and questioning.
I’ll never forget the day when, as I rode in a car with a good friend and fellow graduate student at the University of Colorado, he discovered I was LDS. I thought he was going to drive off the road. We’d been friends for at least a year, so he knew me fairly well. He kept saying, “You can’t be one of them!” This is not atypical of the reactions of many of my colleagues when they learn that I am LDS. It’s quite like their reaction when they find out I have three children. It’s a shock for them to absorb, and no doubt many of them think differently of me as a scientist upon learning these things. But really, what fun is there in conforming to everyone’s expectations?
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because the gospel it proclaims is true. As a scientist, I could not believe in something I did not believe was true. Yes, there are many benefits to being LDS. Yes, it provides a social structure and place of belonging. Yes, it provides significant support in raising a family. However, while all of these things are wonderful aspects of the gospel, I could not believe in the gospel itself without knowledge of its truth.
As a scientist, I choose to look at the world through the lens of the scientific method, as a way of gaining understanding about the world around us. Given that our knowledge of the world and the universe is very incomplete, and that in many cases our data has large uncertainties, the scientific method is still a useful tool for creating some order in our understanding. In my own life I have applied this method to the gospel. I have tested, through the methodology outlined by the gospel, and in every case, sometimes quickly and other times only through much effort and self-discipline, I have obtained the results the gospel has promised.
As a student I learned that one must not be sloppy in performing experiments. I watch colleagues perform meticulous experiments that take months to set up, in which any deviation in the methodology, in the measurements of the constituents, or any unexpected or careless changes in the environment can completely change the outcome of the experiment, or outright negate the entire process. So, I am not unused to the idea that dedication and care are needed, and that knowledge is sometimes difficult to acquire. I am also comfortable with the idea that there may be a very specific way to arrive at the results of an experiment, and that simply wanting to know an answer without being willing to study, experiment, and follow exact procedures will almost certainly not bring one to an accurate conclusion.
It is certainly not easy. There are still so many unanswered questions about the way the earth works (which is good: otherwise I would be without a job). Not all of current science agrees with all of our current understanding of the gospel. My faith is required to help me know that at some time, either in this life or later, I will have enough understanding to be able to reconcile all of the disparate elements. I’ve studied enough about the history of science and religion to know that religion which bends to adjust to science eventually takes a beating, because science is by its nature growing and changing.
With this as a preamble, I am so grateful my religion is true, because it offers so much. First and foremost, it provides a way for me to continue to have the most precious thing on this earth: my family. I can’t imagine wanting an existence without my husband, my children, my parents, and my brothers and sister. What could be greater than the opportunity to remain as a family? Without the gospel it is quite likely that I would have succumbed to professional pressure and decided not to have children. Certainly I would not have had three! And I would have missed the very experiences that have given me the most joy and my most personal stretching. So, while it makes me an outlier in the distribution of physical scientists, I don’t worry about this any more as I am now quite used to being an outlier in so many other ways. And I have the perspective to know that my career is not the only, or even the most, important aspect of my life.
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Carol Anne Clayson is currently an associate professor in the Department of Meteorology at Florida State University and the Director of the Geophysical Fluids Dynamics Institute. Her research covers the areas of high-resolution air-sea interaction, satellite remote sensing, and ocean modeling, and she has received funding for her research from NASA, NOAA, the Office of Naval Research, and NSF. She is the recipient of an NSF CAREER award and the Office of Naval Research Young Investigator Award. She received a Presidential Early Career Award for Scientists and Engineers from President Bill Clinton. Dr. Clayson is the author or co-author of over forty journal articles, two books, two book chapters, and three National Research Council reports, has served on several committees for the American Meteorological Society and the National Research Council, and is currently a member of the AMS Committee on Coastal Environments. She is also serving as the chair of the GEWEX SeaFlux project, an international group of scientists working on improved estimations of air-sea turbulent heat fluxes from satellites. Dr. Clayson received her B. S. degree in physics and astronomy from Brigham Young University, and her M.S. and Ph.D. degrees in aerospace engineering sciences and the Program in Atmospheric and Oceanic Sciences from the University of Colorado, Boulder. She and her husband Tristan Johnson are the parents of three boys.
Posted June 2010
Much of my life has been lived between my two ears. As I reflect upon my faith and seek to give my personal testimony, I am hopelessly coded not only to witness to what I know but to probe the foundations of my own witness. The following pages betray that intertwining and probably exceed any space limits that any self-respecting editor would impose!
Conversion and testimony interest me. On the first Sunday of every month, fellow members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints bear their testimonies in the main meeting. I have been attending such meetings since before I can remember. In our own way, we each speak about conversion, God’s tender mercies, and the faith that inspires us, if only bit by bit.
Many years ago Elder John A. Widtsoe pointed out that each of us will have questions so long as we are thinking, reflective human beings. Questions are a part of life, a vital part of growing in truth and understanding. But doubt should be only a temporary condition, a state that is resolved either through the serious pursuit and investigation of the matter under consideration—resulting in acquisition of new knowledge by study or by faith—or in a settled determination to place the question “on the shelf” for the time being, at least until new insights or perspectives are forthcoming.1 That forward pursuit in which we do not allow the unknown to distract or beset us, is called faith. Faith is in fact the antidote to doubt, the answer to skepticism, the solution to cynicism. It is, as Alma explained, “the hope for things which are not seen, which are true” (Alma 32:21). Out of such faith flows hope, an “anchor to the souls of men which [makes] them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God” (Ether 12:4).
The purpose of this essay is to demonstrate that science, Zen and Mormonism are three valid ways of knowing; each promises that a specified program of training will enable one to become a knower of a particular kind of knowledge.
As I reflect on my witness of the gospel and church of Jesus Christ, I find it anchored in one of several spiritual gifts spoken of in the Book of Mormon, that of “an exceedingly great faith.”1 I assume that we are, for the most part, to live on this earth by faith, for, as the apostle Paul wrote, “whilst we are at home in the body, … we walk by faith, not by sight.”2 To live essentially by faith while striving for improvement in one’s love and obedience to God and His creation is to pursue that incomprehensibly distant goal of perfection, of which the Savior spoke in the Sermon on the Mount.3 It may be that the spiritually most devout and resilient among us will live out their lives almost entirely by faith, rather than by sight. Generally, for them, observation, experience, and the acquisition of knowledge during earthly life broaden and deepen faith, without replacing it with sure knowledge. For most of us lacking incontrovertible knowledge, confusion, perplexity, and doubt at times will compel us to “circle the wagons” around our faith in a determined self-defense.
Since joining the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in February 1979, my testimony has grown a lot more. I was initially very impressed by Joseph Smith’s testimony. His search for the truth and the findings that he came up with ended the need for me to search further for the truth. I did not need to “re-invent the wheel.”
There is a living God, Jesus Christ was and is His literal Son, and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints truly is Christ’s church. I received this testimony by studying the Holy Bible and the Book of Mormon, practicing the teachings found therein, fasting, and sincerely praying to know the truth. I have witnessed first-hand dozens of others gain a testimony by following these simple steps and echo the promises made by prophets throughout the ages, that all who study the gospel of Jesus Christ as taught in the Holy Bible and the Book of Mormon, practice the teachings therein, fast and pray to know the truth with sincerity of heart will receive the same witness.
The idea of an intimately caring, personal, and concerned God that we are raised with as Mormons is an idea that I always liked. Although there have been times when I have not liked my particular set of circumstances, the answered prayers, the feelings of love and encouragement, the guidance, and especially the non-stop nudging to do better have simply welded this notion of God in my mind so that I can’t even remember the last time I entertained the notion of there being no God. I don’t know if that’s deemed properly intellectual, but my outlook is thoroughly based on the myriad of ways that I experience God daily.
Christmas of my senior year, I married my Stanford sweetheart, Susan Buhler. This was also a time for waking up spiritually. I was raised in an academic family and carefully taught that religion was all right for those who needed it, but that there was no eternal truth to it. As I came to know the reality of the teaching that comes by the Spirit and joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I began the greatest adventure that there is in this life.