
“Our friend Lazarus sleepeth; but I go, that I may awake him out of sleep.” (John 11:11)
“Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light.” (Ephesians 5:14)
I’m reminded of the opening lines of the first canto of Dante’s Divine Comedy.
There, Dante claims that we each wake, if we wake at all, to find ourselves already midway through life. We, each of us, are shaken from feverish dreams to find ourselves already promised to bodies we did not choose, to families we did not elect, to times and places we did not will.
Or, to borrow a similar image from Jonathan Swift: we each wake, if we wake at all, to find ourselves like the hero of Gulliver’s Travels, smack in the middle of Lilliput, shipwrecked, bruised in the head, and already bound by ten thousand gossamer threads of circumstance.
I, born and named and promised a Mormon long before ever catching glimpse of my life, found, upon stirring from my dreams, that I was already bound by the invisible twine of ten thousand threads to Mormonism.
Such accidents of circumstance qualify me to claim (outside the bounds of a more or less appropriate sentimentality) precisely nothing about Mormonism.
And, it must be confessed, to find oneself bound in such a way does not mean that, upon waking, one is powerless, despite their vast numbers, to upend such fragile anchors. Certainly many have done it, and certainly it continues to be in my power as well.
But I have remained. I have remained because of one conclusion that I have been entirely unable to avoid:
I am convinced that not only did I wake to find myself bound to Mormonism but that it is Mormonism (with Joseph Smith, handcarts, extra-Biblical scripture, modern prophets, Jell-o molds, temples, missionary work, and all the rest) that has done the waking.
This is, without question, a matter of faith. But, at least on this particular point, it is not a faith rooted in hope or preference or fond wishes. Rather, it is a faith pressed upon me by the raw liveliness of the breath drawn into my lungs, of the warm blood circling in my veins, and of the electricity crackling through my nerves.
The substance of my conviction about Mormonism amounts to a running account of the ways in which, because of Mormonism, I have been and increasingly am awake.
For my part, I can conceive of no other measure for religion. Does it or does it not conduce to life? Does it or does it not roughly shake me from the slumber of self-regard, from the hope of satisfaction, from the fantasy of control? Does it or does it not relentlessly lead my attention back to the difficulty of the real? Does it or does it not reveal the ways in which my heart, my mind, and my body have always already bled out into a world not of my own making, into the hearts and minds and bodies of my parents, my wife, my children?
As Parley P. Pratt, the quintessential early Mormon apostle, put it in his Key to the Science of Theology:
The gift of the Holy Spirit adapts itself to all these organs or attributes. It quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands and purifies all the natural passions and affections; and adapts them, by the gift of wisdom, to their lawful use. It inspires, develops, cultivates and matures all the fine toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings and affections of our nature. It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness and charity. It develops beauty of person, form and features. It tends to health, vigour, animation and social feeling. It develops and invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man. It strengthens, invigorates, and gives tone to the nerves. In short, it is, as it were, marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being.1
Mormonism has indeed been marrow to my bones, joy to my heart, light to my eyes, music to my ears, and life to my whole being.
Thus lit up, I woke to find Jesus leaning over me, smiling wide, with the Book of Mormon snapped like smelling salts beneath my nose.
A final note, because I have, to this point, spoken only in such an emphatically personal way.
I am convinced that the scope of Mormonism’s power to wake people up far exceeds the particulars of my own experience. This conviction rests on two considerations.
One. Increasingly awake, I have found myself progressively pressed out into a world that is marked as real precisely by the degree to which it is common. I have found the fog of my idiosyncratic daydreams burned away by the warmth and friction of a life that is openly shared. To wake to one’s life is, invariably, to wake to its rootedness in a plurality of lives.
Two. Whenever I pull, in matter or conception, as a practitioner or a scholar, on any of the threads that tie me to Mormonism, I find that the whole world comes with it. Mormonism’s thinly cast lines run straight through the heart of the world and wend around and about all its major thoroughfares. The resulting tangle appears irreparable.
With it, I am convinced that the scope of Mormonism is genuinely universal.
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1Parley P. Pratt, Key to the Science of Theology (Liverpool: F. D. Richards, 1855), 98-99.
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Adam S. Miller is a professor of philosophy at Collin College in McKinney, Texas. He and his wife, Gwen Walters, have three children. He received his MA and PhD in Philosophy from Villanova University, as well as a BA in Comparative Literature from Brigham Young University. His areas of specialization include contemporary French philosophy and philosophy of religion. In addition to a number of book chapters and scholarly articles published in such journals as Philosophy Today, Horizons, Journal of Cultural and Religious Theory, and Review Journal of Political Philosophy, he is author of the book Badiou, Marion, and St Paul: Immanent Grace (Continuum, 2008), the current director of the Mormon Theology Seminar (www.mormontheologyseminar.org), and a co-owner and managing editor of the independent academic publisher Salt Press (www.saltpress.org).
Posted February 2010
Recently I attended a multi-faith event at Griffith University in Brisbane Australia. The event was organised by Prof. Swee Hin Toh, the director of the Multi-Faith Centre at that university. At the event, I met a fellow academic whom I had not seen for some time, and we arranged to sit together at the multi-faith luncheon. My name tag which I was given for the day showed that I was a representative of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. At the luncheon, my academic friend, Rev. Prof. James Haire, commented to me, “How can a Scotsman and an academic like yourself ever become a Mormon?” James and I had met some years earlier at university council meetings, when he was head of the School of Divinity at Griffith University and I was head of the School of Accounting. He commented that he had never known that I was a Mormon, and wanted to know how I had decided to become a member of that faith. James is now professor at the University of Canberra and Chairman of the Australian Council of Churches. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (despite its name) is not recognised by the Australian Council of Churches as a Christian faith, and is therefore not entitled to be a member of that Council. James was therefore curious about my conversion process.
Sometimes I like to joke that university professors make for questionable spiritual advisors (even if there are a few exceptions). Perhaps this deserved reputation results from the fact that professors generally raise more questions than answers. I hope my “professorial testimony” in this forum raises the right kinds of questions, even if it provides very few firm answers.
Mormonism is a scandalous religion. The word scandal comes from the Greek term σκάνδαλον (skandalon). In the New Testament, it is translated as “stumbling block.” The central scandal of Mormonism lies in the outlandish claims it makes about its own origins: angels and visions, gold plates and miraculous translations, men claiming to speak with the authority of God. My parents are descended from nineteenth-century Mormon pioneers, and I cannot recall a time when I did not attend Mormon services and activities each week. Accordingly, I only became gradually aware of Mormonism’s scandalousness. It is not that I discovered new facts that had been hidden from me. Indeed, my parents were active participants in scholarly discussions of Mormonism, and I grew up in houses stuffed to overflowing with books on Mormon esoterica. Rather, over the course of my teens and early twenties I came to understand how fanciful the core claims of Mormonism—the ones made week in and week out in Sunday school classes and sacrament meetings—must seem to those not reared within the faith. As I acquired the capacity to see my own religion through the eyes of another, the core story of the Restoration became my stumbling block.
Several years ago, while I was reading a commentary on 2 Kings, I felt a kind of empathy as I watched the author struggle to make sense out of some passages he could not understand. I thought, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we had just one pristine document that dated back to the First Temple Period, and that we could trust it to teach us about the ancient Israelite religion?” I leaned back in my chair and responded to my own wish: “Yes, we do! First and Second Nephi, and even the entire Book of Mormon.” Not only does the book’s origin date to the time of Solomon’s Temple, but 1 Nephi is one of the most beautiful epic poems in the English language.
Sometime during the autumn of 1944, our double-dating foursome attended sacrament meeting in the Stratford Ward. My date was Marilyn Olson, and Frank (“Speed”) Davis’s date was Mary Thorpe. Speed and I were waiting anxiously to be called up for active duty in the United States Army Air Force—the wait being long because World War II was winding down, and the brass didn’t really know whether they needed us or not. We four often went to sacrament meetings together, but this one turned out to be a very special one. The speaker was John M. Knight, a patriarch from Sugar House Stake (next to our Highland Stake). How I wish I could remember exactly what he said, but I strongly remember the thrill that went through my body as he spoke. It had to do with God and His universe (maybe Doctrine and Covenants 88), but that is about as far as the memory goes. Especially because Speed and I were going into the service, the four of us decided that it was time for our patriarchal blessings. We called Patriarch Knight and made appointments (possible then, although he was not in our stake). On October 25th, Speed and Mary received their blessings, and a week later, on November 1st, Marilyn and I were given ours. (Speed and I were called to active duty in late January, 1945.)
My personal journey of faith is deeply rooted in the power and reality of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I have found peace and joy in seeking Him, and pain and frustration when I depart. I have seen that His love can heal broken hearts and shattered lives in miraculous ways. Although this mortal trek is filled with unavoidable death and suffering, compounded by the horrific cruelty of humans who abuse the precious moral agency we have from God, Christ does have power to bring us back to Him and will wipe away the tears in the end. He has power to free us from our sins and make us new, if we will accept Him and His covenants of mercy. He has power to raise us from the dead to live forever. Those glorious truths, affirmed and taught so beautifully in the Bible and Book of Mormon, make sense out of the chaos of confusion in this world. Though He seems remote and even nonsensical to the world, He is not far, and, indeed, has left evidences of His reality that can soften our hearts and give us just enough hope and faith to seek Him and experience life-changing encounters with the Divine. These evidences include the witness of the Bible and the witness of the Book of Mormon. My personal experiences with the Book of Mormon and my testimony that it truly is a miraculous witness of Jesus Christ rich in divine truth are important reasons why I believe in the Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and choose to be an active member in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
How is it that I, trained in the academic profession at one of the finest graduate schools in the country, turned out to be a believer rather than a nonbeliever? Among some academicians there is the notion that scholars are supposed to be religious skeptics, even cynics. But there is an odd phenomenon in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The more educated a Latter-day Saint is, the more likely he or she is to be active and committed in the faith.
I was born in 1926 in Salt Lake City, Utah. My childhood and youth were spent twelve miles south in the small town of Sandy, the end of the streetcar line. My parents were both devout Mormons, as were the majority of the town’s residents. I grew up conforming to every standard and requirement of our faith.
Having entered recently the ninth decade of my mortal existence, I have settled on relatively few intellectual and spiritual positions on which I am prepared to testify with some degree of certainty. During my lifetime, I have come to be much more impressed with what I don’t know for sure—or wonder if even I can know—than with what now seems definite to me. Much of what I can’t claim to know is routinely included in the testimonies of other Latter-day Saints, whose conventional lists of what seems true and certain to them leaves me baffled at their apparent spiritual attainments. Yet I have learned that I have no right to gainsay the individual spiritual experiences of others, as I hope they will not gainsay mine, different (and fewer) though mine might be. Later I will set forth those relatively few matters to which I wish to testify, but first I shall review some of the life experiences that have contributed to my testimony.